乡下的生活

Only when life in the countryside moves as fast as the 54kb modem internet connection, can I have so much time to reflect on my uneventful life. So monotonous, that I feel almost guilty for not leaving an impression on the internet blogosphere with these letters and words, randomly strung together to form something as unexpected as an idea. Brace yourselves.

The four lane highway stretches far into the distance, bridging a world bustling with a wide variety of people, skies scalloped by buildings, and a public transit system that works late into the night, to a world quietly watching the passing of time, day after day, sitting idly on its dusky stoop. As ubiquitous as the Chinese highway infrastructure, it connects two widely contrasting lives with only three hours at 80km/hour. The metropolis is 上海; the countryside is 宜兴.

宜兴, of 江苏 province, is home to my dad, my uncle and his wife, and my father’s parents. Since I wasn’t born here and hardly stay here longer than a few days at a time, I struggle to understand bits and pieces of conversation. Many times my grandmother’s well intentions are lost upon my deaf ears, or my uncle would tell me about how great 宜兴 is, that it is home to several famous artists and writers, and I only smile and nod as a response: ‘哇，不错啊’. As much as they love me, I wish I can only learn to appreciate them, their efforts, just a small fraction of the amount of love they give me. Of course I bring gifts to them, a bag of small random 北京 delicacies bought at the Carrefour. But that doesn’t give me the satisfaction of knowing that they know I love them. I wish it were as easy as a gift or a Hallmark card or a warm embrace. So many times I don’t know how to be the proper Chinese grandson, so I stuff another helping of food into my mouth when my grandmother says ‘eat, eat’ or take another gulp from my glass when my uncle says ‘drink, drink.’ Or maybe that is also acceptable. Maybe I am over thinking the whole thing.

Back in the United States, I would find my friends going to annual family reunions, big Thanksgiving or Christmas get-togethers. I would go home to find dinner cooked by my mom, sitting saran-wrapped on the kitchen counter, where I would pop it into the microwave oven and then eat in front of some PBS television show, or, as I grew older, Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, Comedy Central. Sometimes we, as a whole family, would sit together for dinner, and I would help scoop spoonfuls of steaming rice into bowls, bring them over to the table, and sit in my designated seat. This was family to me, sitting across from my dad, talking about what I did in school today. I never thought about what family could have been, siblings or relatives. I never wanted more or less, it is what it is.

When I first came to China, a fat, spoiled sixth grader convinced that his sunglasses and gelled hair as the in fashion, it took a long time before I could understand and accept the love from my family members. I was not used to the cheek pinching, the force feeding, and the overall niceness that I figured plagued my relatives. Why is grandmother staring at me? Why is she concerned when I eat two pieces of fish and one piece of chicken? I didn’t understand why they were so caught up with my every movement. I didn’t understand then that the last time they saw me, I was a baby, unable to control my bodily functions, unaware of my surroundings. As the fat American sixth grader at the dinner table, I felt like a specimen being examined, as if living in America was synonymous with exploring outer space. I felt violated and uncomfortable. I’ll eat what I want to eat, I’ll not eat what I don’t want to eat. That was over eight years ago.

Now when I come to China, seeing my relatives always bring me great joy. Seeing how happy my grandmothers are when they see me, I know that they truly are happy for who they are, the actions and decisions they have made every day of their lives, to see that who they are have helped raise me, round faced and fair skinned, healthy, ambitious, large ear-lobbed (believe me, the Chinese get off to that shit). I no longer feel awkward, as I understand that they love me and it is natural for them to cater to every little need (my grandparents give me the largest guest room, allow me to use the air conditioner as much as I want, plus other random amenities) and to stare at every little dimple on my earlobe.

But feeling the love from my family takes time, time that was shared more with the family on my mom’s side that my that of my dad’s. Since my mom’s family have raised me up to the point where I left China for the United States, I understand their dialect more and I am a great fan of spicy food (whereas my dad’s family don’t particularly eat spicy food). There is less barriers of communication and it is easier for me to find myself joking around with my two uncles (the youngest of the two is known for his playful attitude in life and is often scolded by my mom, the oldest sibling, to get his act together). We play the town’s version of mah-jong, badminton, walk the family dog (a beautiful Dalmatian, the only one in the neighborhood), watch old Chinese gambling movies. We share many experiences together that every subsequent time I come back to 九江 (where my mom’s family is from, in 江西 province) I feel an immediate connection with each member of the family. I don’t need to care about any flaws in character of my uncles, or that my cousin needs to study harder for her exams, but so long as we are all related by blood, I love them.

The family on my dad’s side, as much as I love them, I wish I can find a way to show them. No heartfelt talks since I can’t speak the dialect. No Chinese gestures of love, since I am so not Chinese. Even though I love my dad’s mother so much there are so many things that keeps us from understanding each other. Major generation gap, culture gap, language gap. I wish I can help bear the burden of her ailing body, to show that I can be there. But alas, I am just another spoiled Asian American who thinks it is cool to speak English in China. So, I eat another mouthful of food, drink another gulp of drink. Is there anything I can do?

Life is life.

andy

china style

'china copied the soviet union's communism for 30 years, then the soviet union collapsed. now, china has been copying the united state's capitalism for 30 years, then the united states collapsed.'

my dad tells me, chuckling.

'china is always doing things its own way. to not follow exactly other countries. because it is so different than them.'

to be continued.

i love my chinese milk

only in china can you be blessed with the experience of having contaminated milk. but this is only one of the problems caused by china's rapidly growing domestic demand.

in china, milk suppliers don't have a central farm of cows where all the milk comes from.  instead, they get milk from various farms across the country. a middle man gets the milk from a farm and then gives it to the suppliers. the middle man, unable to get enough milk for the distributors, dilutes the milk to meet the quota. the dilution in the milk is where the problems come from.

contaminated milk is just one small problem exposed by chance that the added mixture causes kidney stones in babies. there was a chance that the dilution could have gone unnoticed for a long time. we do not know exactly which cow our milk is from and whether or not that cow is certified to produce milk for humans. furthermore, we do not know where our produce is grown, where our meat comes from, etc. the chemicals sprayed on our apples to keep off the spiders, chemicals given to our chickens and shrimps to keep them from getting diseases; we can only trust our FDA to ensure that what we can buy is of acceptable quality. and who knows what internal problems or external pressures the FDA may have. unless you grow your own produce, you never know what exactly  you are putting inside yourself.

and that does not stop at produce. pharmaceutical drugs, recreational drugs, shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper. thanks to capitalism, as long as there is demand, there will be supply. but also, we are never completely certain how the tylenol reacts with the biological shit in our bodies to make us better (unless you are a chemist or biologist or biochemist or have that obscure expertise that you spent your college years achieving). hopefully capitalism, perfect competition, will push companies to provide better quality. but the existence of domino's pizza and other companies valuing cost leadership say otherwise. best bet is to make  your own toothpaste.

but regarding the milk scandal in china, its not just the middle man that takes the blame for the babies. it is because of the still developing economy in china. people who are pressured to cut corners, who intentionally overlook poor judgment calls, in order to cover up deficiencies to maintain sales. they are doing what they can, operating in their best judgment. it is no one's fault. the bad milk is just a sign that chinese economy and standard of living still has a long way to go.

andy

allocation of talent

http://www.portfolio.com/news-markets/national-news/portfolio/2008/11/11/The-End-of-Wall-Streets-Boom

this is an article written by michael lewis (author of liar's poker for you finance buffs) about the end of the wall street era.  he talks about liar's poker as a book that was supposed to warn the rising workforce of the meaningless jobs of becoming a small cog in a giant corporate machine, to 'deny the offer from merrill and go out to sea'.

of course, all of my finance friends recommended the book as a quick look inside the world of finance, world of investment banks. lewis intended to raise awareness of the misguided, morally bankrupt realm of deal making and risk taking. if anything, the grandiose lives of the bankers mixed with the crude, collegiate environment propelled finance's appeal greatly. stories of bankers who owned everything, could do whatever they wanted, only glorified the jobs in finance.

until now, when the world of finance finally crumbled on itself from its overdose on 'hubris'. the huge bonuses, as well as a life of material wealth and financial stability, attracted the smartest minds from all over the world. more and more undergraduate business programs were established to cater to the new demand of going into finance and getting a job on wall street. one in four people you meet are studying for a degree in finance or economics. but now, the supply of qualified interns dwarfs its respective demand. and all of those bright students who caved to money and power (both of which are not sustainable, both defined by those surrounding you) instead of going into art, engineering, natural sciences, are now getting the short end of the stick: getting a finance job but not living its corresponding life circa 1980s-2000s, or not even getting a job at all.

balls.

but maybe it is our fault for allowing ourselves to be blinded by wall street's promise of material wealth. and this is what we get, the financial crisis and a blunt reality check telling us that there is more to life than investment banking at goldman sachs, that money doesn't equate to happiness.

-andy

OBAMA

yo mama.

andy

finance in stern

it upsets me the kind of narrowmindedness that is perpetuated in stern culture. so what that the financial landscape isn't the usual wall street banks calling the shots, that american capitalism is forever changed? that does not mean your finance degree has gone to shit. that does not mean you should climb to the top most floor of bobst and examine the pattern of the tiles on the first floor (or maybe if you should be so inclined, less competition for the rest of us).

there will always be a demand for investment banking, for raising capital through equity or debt. always a demand for mergers and acquisitions. always a demand for providing liquidity in the market. always a demand for financial products.

regardless, financial knowledge is important (as too economics). being able to manage money, to be able to follow the market intelligently (the market, as a mechanism that allocates goods, capital, services, in the most efficient way, and how that affects life all over the world), follow broad trends, etc.

stern is all 'i used to intern for the janitor at goldman sachs, i know i'm awesome, i'm going to be a rich banker one day'. there is life outside of being a banker at a bulge bank. i know it is hard to believe, but such a life exists.

money still makes the world go around.

-andy

one world, one dream

beijing does not take lightly the duty of letting those stepping off the plane immediately know that it is hosting the olympics and that china is on the precipice of great economic reform.

i was surprised that the chinese officials didn't beat us over the head with 'one world, one dream' baseball bats when we got off the plane. but replace the baseball bats with visual stimuli and you can sort of imagine what it was like.

同一个世界，同一个梦想 (one world, one dream)

my dads response: 'and you know what the one dream is? to get rich!'

how incredibly true. this olympics is china's coming out party to the world, to show everyone how capable china is of doing business. and under the unforgiving gun of the chinese government, how could have the beijing olympic opening ceremony (or the athletes representing china) have not been awesome? if anyone fucked up during the opening ceremony, there were guards ready to shoot him 2008 times, in honor of the olympics.

but with such an astounding opening ceremony to mark china's entry into becoming truly a world force, everyone is quick to criticize. and when i say everyone, i mostly mean the western powerhouse built upon political and economic freedom that calls itself the united states. things like 'ohmahgahd, china needs to free tibet and shit. china needs to allow personal liberty. china needs to stop poisoning children through milk' (but i still contend that its the poison that gives the milk is chalky yellow color and gritty taste!). it is no doubt that china has problems. only a mere twenty some years since the move from planned economy to market economy, but the progress so far has been astounding. but like life, like any nation, there are going to be problems. there is always a balance, a trade off--authoritarian government vs. quick economy reform, keeping the RMB cheap (which means keeping china labor cheap) vs. allowing more people find jobs (urbanization), etc.  but lets all be mature and let america do what it does best: examine the rest of the world from its own self-righteous soap box, toppled so high on its own bullshit that i am impressed that america even knows where it is located on a world map.

china has come a long way. but there are plenty of problems that plague the country. morally corrupt conduct, uncontrollable pollution, rapidly growing wealth gap between urbanites and peasants, the baby boom generation leaving the work force, and china's growing reserves. in many ways, china's economy and culture reflects a lot of early american economy. a period where there was a huge market for fake goods. brewing really light beer (places in the world that are more developed have darker beers, i.e. europe. places that are still developing have lighter beers, i.e. china, early america). too many to address in the scope of this entry.

on the plus side, the chinese now have this opportunity presented to them: to become incredibly wealthy. when the shanghai equity market began to show real returns over the past two years, so much hot money flowed into stocks that even the beggars on the side of the street were talking about P/E ratios and market caps, to the extent that it redefined the words 'bubble' and 'mania'. it is evident that everyone in china has that ambition to succeed, always thinking of new ways to make money. they now can see the results of a market economy that is fancy cars, nice condos, expensive clothes, and subsequently a higher demand in luxury goods, such as nicer stores, nicer clubs, etc.  life now is in stark contrast to life during the planned economy (i'm sure all the chinese reading this have heard their parents talk about their poor lives). some frequent stories that my parents share with me include having 'salt water soup' as a usual meal with the very occasional boiled egg, sharing a pair of pants with siblings, and having a specific schedule for the caller and the receiver to use the village telephone.

the drive to get rich is so strong that it is not surprising the amount of cheaters (骗人, or 'swindlers') out there. and since the government is too busy worrying about getting itself rich that they cannot keep its eye on all 1.3 billion chinese people and their daily transactions. for instance, there were two men who bought and resold these plastic bags that are worn to help lose weight. they had a profit margin of 50%. naturally, they wanted to increase their margin, so they decide to make their own plastic bags. these bags were of incredibly shitty material. after some time, consumers eventually showed skin hives, rashes, and other negative reactions due to the shitty material. the law was then notified and tried to catch the two men, to no avail: the two guys fled the country with the money.

and that is just one example. the chinese are always thinking of selling new fake shit, of selling new machines that make fake shit, of selling fake machines that make fake shit, of teaching people how to make fake machines that make fake shit, etc. capitalism at its rawest.

and it will only be a matter of a few years to see how this new development takes hold. something the world hasn't seen yet, a force so massive, a power so unweildly, a bunch of asian dudes trying to fit on this piece of rock hurtling through space. now they have a purpose.

-andy

the day the finance world died

it would only be most disrespectful of me to not say a few words over the death of america's most prized creation, the object that threw USA on the map in terms of a serious influence on the world, etc: the finance industry.

the finance industry--where the market is merciless, where making serious money was as tangible as keeping up on breaking news, where only the smartest motherfuckers survive--has finally bitten off more than it could chew.  the general disregard for the risks taken in the bets made in the past 20 or so years have caught up, and now we are forced to pay the price. the dow jones industrial average dropped 500 points (4%) and all around the world, stock markets have followed suit.

stock prices are the best indicators of the sentiment of the company, the market, the general economy. because only the smartest motherfuckers in the world play the stock market, there is no manual labor required and the money made is easy money. they have the knowledge and the foresight to predict where the stock price will move and will buy and sell accordingly. the price of a stock will always be the first and foremost leading indicator of the health of the company, even if it will sometimes take one or two years before we, several levels away from the smart traders, the equity researchers, the junior analysts at investment banks, realize the reason or cause of any price movements.

the failed lehman brothers speaks volumes of the current state of today's economy. it is the ceremonious changing of the guards, out with the old and in with the new. like walmart taking over small propriety mom and pops shops, like best buy and circuit city taking over smaller appliance/electronic stores, like macy's buying out hechts.  there is always an economic reason for these actions to occur.  we let the market carry out its own bidding. and like any transition period, we see that the market is ruthless; it shows no remorse, no sympathy for the unlucky ones.

the future is shrouded in uncertainty, and we can only depend on ourselves, our ability to build rapport with others, our work ethic, our talent, our ability to improve and to learn, in order to survive.

but of course, we are all placed on this earth to enjoy ourselves, to succumb to our hedonism, to find joy and happiness, and of course love.

why should we let something as manmade as finance dictate the direction of the world?

andy

the truth about finance

before finance, people created real wealth though selling goods, like produce, or chairs, or toaster ovens.

of course, finance was created 'as a practical application of economics, to help best allocate money where money is most needed'. the stock market, for instance (or any market, bond market, etc). and the nature of money (if you have money, you are only willing to give it up to someone else if you are told you will get more money in return) allows the 'finance' industry to happen.

but that is a sugar coated lie that those stuffy old white guys in suits tell the commoners.

finance is their excuse to make money without knowing how to create real wealth (make and sell toaster ovens). finance is no real skill but only knowledge gleaned from knowing how to dupe other people into handing over their check books. all they need to know is to be one step ahead of everyone else (the public, other 'investors', etc).

finance, money is greed. the corporation known as the united states, wall street, investment banks--greed. and because reward always comes with risk, and risk always comes with reward, the driving force of greed is leading to the impending collapse of the united states financial system, maybe even the world economy.

sad how so many human lives are dedicated to something manmade, synthetic, the most material of all goods--the american dollar--and so many lives at risk of losing their wealth. why can't we all just smoke some pot, sit out on the porch, and have some good wholesome fun?

haha

andy

good morning

another slow, slow day at work.

i've been recently re feeding into my obsession with john mayer and came across his blog. he is such a great person, i have to share this excerpt from his blog here.

'This is about a level of self consciousness so high in my generation, that it's actually toxic.

This is about the girl in her bedroom who poses in front of the camera she's awkwardly holding in her outstretched hand. She'll take a hundred photos until coming up with one she's happy with, which inevitably looks nothing like her, and after she's done poring over images of herself, will post one on her myspace page and then write something like " I don't give a f*ck what you think about me."

...

This is about us all. Every one of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it's incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right. And I don't want to act immune to that anymore. I took the biggest detour from myself over the past year, since I decided that I wasn't going to care about what people thought about me. I got to the point where I had so much padding on that, sure, I couldn't feel the negativity, but that's because I couldn't feel much of anything.

And I think I'm done with that. I'm not the first person to admit we're all self conscious, Kanye was. But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we're all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.

And really? Really? It turns out we're just not all that special, when you break it down. Beautifully unspectacular, actually. And that truth is going to catch up with us whether we want to run from it or not. The paparazzo following me to the gym ain't gonna be Herb Ritts and the guy he's following ain't gonna be Bob Dylan. It's just a matter of how old you are once you embrace that fact. And for me, 30 sounds about right.

What now, then? I can only really say for myself: Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities. Stop acting careless. In fact, care more. Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts. Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art. Wear hoodies to dinner. Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.

Root for others.

Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.

Act nervous when I'm nervous, puzzled when I don't know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.

And when it's all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you. '

cool shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_z-shZL1KU

haha

andy

my life dream

i want to move to california, do drugs, and play guitar all day.

hello summer

this time of the year again, where guidance is needed most, where all expectations and attention is hanging delicately from the edge of a cliff.

classes are over and the lull of summer, fit snug between the frantic week of cramming for exams and the foreign routine of working a 9 to 5 job, is about to come to an end. and not a moment too soon. the past two weeks, having nothing accomplished, have gone by in a heartbeat. and the entire time in the back of my head, i always felt as if i had another day, another hour to sit idly, staring into my computer screen into bits of data and information gathered from all across the world in what we know as the internet. what a theatrical way to procrastinate even the smallest tasks we have, huh?

i haven't written in this blog in a long ass time. i apologize to my readers, all three of them. you know who you are.

this past year has been a learning experience, as it always is. it is funny how life never stops for anyone, but it is up to yourself to step aside to evaluate the situation objectively. and it is so great that we can always pick ourselves up from our mistakes and continue learning--no, growing--as individuals. this is life; we are not perfect, and there is always room for improvement.

first and foremost, i am going to miss all of the graduates dearly. everyone who i met through akpsi and eventually got to know even better this past semester. ingrid told me that when people graduate into the working life, they just disappear from earth completely. i am going to try extra hard to keep in touch. seriously.. how hard could it be with facebook's multi-stalking features?

but seriously, i had a great time with everyone. too bad i was unable to make the graduation, but i had to go home to maryland to pick up my passport and to see my sick mom. i don't think it has hit me that i won't be seeing these 'seniors' next year at meetings and just around tisch hall in general. i mean, i chilled at ingrid's place last night, i saw jennifer today.. it's going to be a weird adjustment.

i only have about 5 more days until my 10 week rotational internship program begins at mastercard.

+ rotational internship
+ $500/week
- is in westchester

yeah, the commute is going to be a real pain in the ass. whatever, i'll deal with it.

thats it.

andy

hello world

hello, world.

it is 1 am and i find myself where i always find myself at 1 am: hungry and bored, trying to find new ways to avoid doing work.

to bring readers up to date on my life, here is a short preface. i am 20 years old of chinese descent. i attend undergraduate stern business school at nyu studying finance. i live in union square. my roommate is never around.

i'm bored. i wait for the moment when i pass out with a sense of fulfillment. i can't sleep feeling like i haven't done anything, feeling like a worthless, unproductive bum. so begins my quest for fulfillment. i check and check again my buddy list, hoping to find someone that i can talk to at length, about our lives, our feelings, our futures. no one is online though, damn it. i stumble upon. again and again and again. i look at my homework and try to figure out when i should pretend to consider to start doing it.

thanks hannah for saving me from pouring my heart out onto this blog.

andy

the great game

wow it has been too long since i've written here. just a lot of thoughts that i have need to be put down before i forget.

mark twain once said 'The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes'. this is proven true with business cycles and simple adages as 'everything comes to an end.' empires rise and fall. if you haven't read the book 'Guns, germs and steel' by jared diamond, i highly suggest it.

it has always been the middle east that everyone fights for. the holy land, to religious people. the crusades, among numbers of other religious wars. but ever since the industrial revolution, it has been energy that people have fought for. but since the struggle to find stable energy (fossil fuels, natural gas) is a zero sum game, violence is inevitable.

cue corporate america's invasion in the middle east. george w bush and his administration duping the american public to secure more oil reserves in a chance to preserve america's dominant empire over the rest of the world. but bush fucked up--his brute force method of taking crude oil from the middle east has created a schism in the american public: conservatives who don't know jack shit and think that the old way is the right way and continue to be the right way, and everyone else who have lost faith in the government, lost faith in the direction of america, and is forward thinking enough to find change.

but will bush's decision to get the oil be worth it? we already have reserves in alaska, and while oil will run dry by 2050 (tentative guess) political leaders around the world are eyeing the last drops. maybe enough oil to sustain the US, but with a myriad of other factors can make the extra oil useless in the big picture.

ever since the housing crisis and the fed bail out of bear stearns, it is pretty evident that america has surpassed its peak (when i say america, i generally mean corporate america because that is essentially how america operates). corporate america is fueled by greed. the rich pigs on top are constantly finding new ways to dupe the average american person (american consumerism is 70% of america's gdp). infomercials, advertisements, etc. in this day and age, it is difficult to go through a day without these external pressures telling you how you are not, how you should be, how society wants you to be, etc. meaningless drivel, it all is (but that is another issue to be addressed).

the bear stearns fiasco screams controversy. pundits say that the fed bailout is a 'tax refund to bankers'. now bear stearns is in a situation that if another financial institution fails, they will have to bail them out. seriously though. bear stearns, the lamest of all of the financial institutions??

ok, now for some technical jargon biznatch motherfucker of how america fucked up.



the summer of 2003. the federal funds rate was at 1%, which means that money is easy to lend and borrow, and alan greenspan was trying to pump money into the american economy. at this time, the standard mortgage rate was 6%. people who were building houses and selling houses could make a heft 5% profit. but then, greenspan raised the funds rate all the way to 5.25% in 2006, and all ape shit busted loose on your grandmother's nuts. but why?

when the difference between the feds fund rate and the mortgage rate decreases, how do home sellers and mortgage lenders make money? increase turn over rate. so they built more and more houses to make up for the lost revenue due to the rising funds rate. but when the rate reached 5.25%, the mere .75% ended up becoming all of the transaction costs and no new money entered the housing market. with all of these empty houses and no buyers, the only place for the market to go is down.

this is the first problem that hit. but the related credit crunch and the financial instability of investment banks are happening right now.

this will continue later

andy