the rat race

i am going to try my best to shit out this entry within the few hours i have left at work. a few hours should be enough, right? enough to have the words splattered thoughtlessly over this screen, sure, but maybe not enough to run a meaningful message through them. alas, i will try my best...but bear with me.

my mind has been fumbling around with this idea for quite some time ever since my short walking commute from rubin to tisch hall became so deeply rooted in my everyday routine that i no longer had to devote any conscious thought to it. instead, i devoted 60% of my conscious thought to why am i studying at an undergraduate business school? (the other 40% is divided into listening to my ipod, meandering through camera crews, trying to step on the crunchiest looking leaf, greeting friends along the way, punching the midget hobo who yells out the amount of time left before our next classes begin, etc). i ask again, why?

what used to be an industry where networking and connections were the main ways of landing a finance job is now an industry where thousands of 'programs' (created by undergraduate universities or colleges) are established to mold the minds of younger and younger people to chase money. and they train them damn well.

and here i am, in one of those programs learning how to chase money. these four years, which i would like to spend learning what i want to learn, experimenting, and finding myself, will be spent learning about collateralized debt obligations, leveraged buyouts, and market derivatives. am i supposed to have this time stripped away from me so i can spend more time making money during my prime years of life? to be honest, i do not care too much (having chinese parents, i am limited to being either a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer, or a businessman. i don't want to be a doctor because i would be a damn bad one and get all the hospitals within a 100 mile radius sued, i don't want to be an engineer because i like girls too much and would not like to spend my free time with mr. right-hand, but i may want to be a lawyer or a politician because i like to lie, but those professions require a master's degree that i can get after studying something as lame as art history in an undergraduate school). doing business for me is kind of a cop out from life. but hey, whatever makes the green, right?

recently, it seems that everyone i talk to is pursuing business in some way. that means that the value of holding a business degree of some sort or graduating from a business school will depreciate. that only makes it more difficult to land a secure job in the finance industry, with so many other young, qualified, money-chasers entering the work force. how can i differentiate myself from the rest? wear a pink hat. no, seriously. a large, feathery, pink hat.

from what i gathered about the finance industry, anyone with basic knowledge of math can become a 'big swinging dick' (if you are unfamiliar with this term, read the book 'liar's poker'). the stuff we learn in finance class will be retaught to us in an internship. the stuff we learn in accounting class will become as easy and mindless as browsing facebook (ok, but maybe not as procrastination-inducing). so why make us waste our four years learning and relearning, not to mention creating unnecessary competition that erodes egos and self-esteem?

because of the fundamentals of economics: supply and demand. wall street is to chasing and making money as sparta is to chasing and killing enemies. wall street is always looking for younger and younger people to become 'investment bankers' (what they call their henchmen that makes the majority of their money). however, the investment banker side of the deal isn't so bad either; they get paid lavishly in year-end bonuses. so in order to bridge the gap between wall street who want more and more qualified individuals (more so that the limited number of available job positions is high in demand) and high school graduates looking for high paying jobs (but aren't willing to go into medicine or engineering or anything that requires more than 8 years of studying), undergraduate business programs are cropping up everywhere. these programs are feeding the young people's demand for high paying jobs as well as wall street's demand for qualified young people.

i remember a few months ago, i was talking to some of my friends about chasing money. regardless of whether you make hundreds of thousands per year or tens of thousands per year, you will still be living roughly the same life style. with that being said, how important is money in our lives? i think there is a certain point in our lives where we don't need any more money to live comfortably. and when i say 'live comfortably' i mean that you can buy whatever you need/want without thinking twice about the amount of money you dropped. after that point, greed overtakes our rational thought. once we start the race of chasing money, its tough to get out. its tough to stop and say, 'ok, i have made the five million mark that i set for myself eight years ago, i'll see you guys in tijuana.' by then, you'll think 'but i could make five more million in less than half the time it got me this five now'. you're going to need balls of steel to get yourself out of that race. just don't forget the big picture (how much money would you like to make before you throw in the towel?).

when i think about the jobs that people have in the finance industry and all the minute-by-minute news updates that they have to inform themselves in order to make financially sound decisions, it overwhelms me. i used to think that working on wall street is like being on the forefront of the world: in terms of news, technology, and even lifestyles. you will hear news that the general public will not hear for a few days at least. at first, this appealed to me. why would i not want to know about shit first? i could finally say, in my wretched sing-song voice, 'i know something you don't know' and actually mean it. but then i realized the twisted, sad truth. that keeping up with the news, minute-by-minute, will only make me more secular, more worldly. thinking that i am on the forefront of 'life' itself, have i forgot how to live it? have i forgot the simple pleasures of waking up on a late sunday afternoon, only to decide whether or not to stroll into the park with my book of beginner's crossword puzzles?

all this money chasing business will only weigh down my conscience. i will spend time deciding which piece of news is important and which to ignore, weeding out the advice of investors, slowly learning to trust my gut. hedge fund managers, for instance, sacrifice a night's worth of sound sleep for the opportunity to eat a delicious, albeit expensive, meal. not to mention the amount of time i will spend working. soon, i will slowly forget what is important in my life, the values, the morals, the family, the friends. that is something i wish does not happen. just don't forget the big picture.

and this is what i keep telling myself. but i don't know why i should even start worrying about this. what i should be worrying about is getting a good gpa so i can stick my shiny black shoes into the door of finance opportunity.

money, hoes, and clothes; all a nigga knows...

-andy