a new day, a new leaf

i'm happy to say that i have started to get used to this blogging thing again.

last night, i went to kim's apartment to drink wine and smoke with her and jennifer. i really like both of them and it makes me want to kick myself for not hanging out with more akpsi bros during pledging. i mean, isn't that the point of pledging? i suppose so. i didn't understand much about 'brotherhood' until now, when i chill with them as friends, rather than brothers-who-will-eat-your-face-at-final-court. oh well, i still have the rest of my life to catch up.

i ended up staying overnight, which was sweet of kim and chrissie, and kim made me a cute, disfigured egg...i'm going to go out on a limb, here...omelette. at least it tasted like an omelette :). and today, when i got to work, i read kim's xanga, livejournal, and browse her imagestation, all the while talking to her via gchat. i really like kim's writing, in a different way than how i enjoy ingrid's. kim's blogs are personal and real, and when i read them i understand her completely. i don't know if its because i've been through similar situations or because she doesn't hide anything in her entries. when shes upset about something, she'll come straight up and say it. when shes happy, she'll say it. no beating around the bush, no bullshit.

issues that she addresses are the issues that i normally choose to ignore or overlook. for instance, smoking weed--not enough respect for myself? that could be true. i never bothered to think about it. i used to smoke for fun, but soon i was smoking because i was bored or because i had a shitty day, for which smoking became an outlet for relaxation. but when came the point when i was not happy whenever i was not high? life became boring. it lacked passion, creativity, direction. i became lifeless, like in those above-the-influence advertisements on television, and soon forgot what it was like to LIVE.

reading kim's entries reminded me of high school life; of coming to school way too early, seeing your friends in the hallway, having lunch with your friends, and just being a kid. i wish i knew not to worry about gpa's, sat's, or any of that lame shit that i now know means nothing. i wish somebody told me to try something new, to write a story, to pick up a new hobby, or play a new sport. high school was the shit, mostly because of my amazing friends who i did jack shit with. it was always a good time, good wholesome, drug-free fun. i loved being around pretty girls, flirting, talking on the phone until 2am talking about ideas and people and anything and everything. i loved parties, my first experience with alcohol and drugs. i loved wasting time with friends (of course it wouldn't be considered wasting time). i really miss that.

now, i don't do much except 'go through the motions of life,' as kim puts it. i just live how everyone else expects from me--my employer wants me to work, i work; my roommates expect me to chill with them, i chill. i want to know what it feels like to live again, to just be happy to be alive. i miss that.

so from here on out, i'm going to stop smoking for 'no reason', for 'because i'm bored', for 'just because'. i'm going to follow through some hobby, i'm going to meet new people, and i'm going to be happy with myself. i'm going to love who i am, and respect who i am.

thanks, kim.

-andy

currently playing: regina spektor- 'fidelity'